


Was Shaken Up When I Found You

by artificialghoul



Series: A Therapeutic Chain of Events [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3792106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialghoul/pseuds/artificialghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His brows furrowed, and he wracked his mind desperately for something, anything, just a small hint of who he was or how he’d gotten here. He hunched over, hands clasped on the sides of his head, and urged himself over and over to remember, just remember, <i>remember</i>. But nothing came.</p><p>Finally, he sat up, defeated, cheeks wet and eyes red.</p><p>“Who am I?” he gasped out, voice torn and hoarse.</p><p>“Your name is Nagachika Hideyoshi.”</p><p>______________________</p><p>AU where Hide loses his memories after the Anteiku Raid, and meets a certain someone in a similar situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hide

He was aware of the smell first. The acrid, burning scent of heavy cleaning chemicals. He wrinkled his nose and forced open his heavy eyelids. The incandescent light above him burned his eyes, and he kept them squinted while he acclimated to the brightness.

When he was finally able to open his eyes, he found himself laying in a bed, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. He lifted his arm to grasp the railing on the side of the bed, trying to pull himself upright, and noted a series of wires and tubes sticking out from his skin. He squinted at them in confusion, following the largest tube up to a bag of fluid beside the bed.

The cogs were turning in his head, but the heavy weight of drowsiness was keeping him from understanding what these tubes meant. He looked around again, searching for something, and found a door on the other side of the room, slowly swinging open.

A woman backed into the room, wheeling a cart of supplies behind her, turning when she’d finally brought herself and her cart clear of the door. She laid eyes on him, sitting upright in his bed, and froze.

He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat felt like sandpaper, grating and painful when he tried to form words. His mouth was dry and parched, and his tongue felt heavy and hindered, like his mouth was full of cotton.

The woman stood frozen by the door for another moment, then her hand flew up to cover her mouth, and she stumbled backwards. He reached out to her, but she was already wrenching open the door, shouting something over her shoulder that he couldn’t understand.

He pulled his legs from the bed and tried to stand, but a sudden wave of dizziness hit him. The world spun and blurred, and he fell back against the bed, exhausted. He held his swirling head in his hands, trying to regain his balance, and heard the door open again.

“You’re awake,” a deep voice commented.

He grunted in reply, too unsteady to try looking up or speaking just yet.

“Take your time,” the voice said softly. “There’s no rush.”

He nodded, then regretted it when the swirling worsened. He held as still as possible, and after what seemed like an eternity, he was finally able to sit up again.

A man was standing by the end of his bed, the woman from earlier hovering a few feet behind him. He was wearing a long white coat and a practiced, charming smile. A doctor, then?

“Tell me, do you remember anything?” the doctor asked gently.

He looked down at his hands, and spotted an unfamiliar scar on his right forearm. It was round, jagged, and large. It must have been a painful injury. But he couldn’t recall it. He tried to remember how he’d ended up here, in this medical room. But there was nothing. He searched for his name next. Still, nothing.

His brows furrowed, and he wracked his mind desperately for something, anything, just a small hint of who he was or how he’d gotten here. He hunched over, hands clasped on the sides of his head, and urged himself over and over to remember, just remember, _remember_. But nothing came.

Finally, he sat up, defeated, cheeks wet and eyes red.

“Who am I?” he gasped out, voice torn and hoarse.

“Your name is Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

 

* * *

 

They told him he’d been asleep for over a year. That he’d worked for the CCG and had been injured during a major operation. They said he’d been found in the street, near an open sewer entrance. Unconscious and seriously wounded. He couldn’t recall any of it.

They told him it was a miracle he was alive at all, and that his memories would surely come back eventually. This was normal after being unconscious for so long, they said. He’d be right as rain in no time. He didn’t know if he believed that.

Everyone in the hospital called him Hideyoshi. It made his nose wrinkle when he heard it, although he wasn’t quite sure why. He tried asking a nurse to call him ‘Hide’ instead, and she smiled and assured him she would, and then called him Hideyoshi again the next morning. He gave up after that.

He never had any visitors. No family or friends. He wondered if anyone knew he was here. Someone had to, right? The hospital knew his name, and what had happened to him. The CCG was even paying for his care -- apparently as compensation for being injured on the job. But no one from his former place of employment had come to see him.

He wondered if he’d been forgotten. Maybe he’d slept so long that his friends moved on, and now they were living new lives without him.

He hummed, a hopeless noise, and rested his chin in his hand.

 

* * *

 

The days ticked by, turning to weeks. Hide sometimes roamed the hospital, but the stale white walls and artificial lights were driving him stir crazy.

“How long do I have to stay here?” he asked the next time his doctor dropped by.

The man frowned, peering down his nose at the medical chart in his hands. “We’d like to keep you to see if your memories return.”

“What if they don’t return?”

The doctor fixed him with a stare. “We’ll see.”

The next day, Hide moved his bed next to the window. Looking outside made him feel like he wasn’t trapped here.

 

* * *

 

There was a park nearby. Hide could see it from his window. He asked one of his nurses about it, once, and she told him it was technically on the hospital’s grounds. After that, he wouldn’t shut up about it until they agreed to let him wander around it as much as he pleased.

The park was a big step up from the cramped, spotless interior of the hospital. The fresh air did wonders for his nose, which he swore was permanently damaged from the persistent smell of cleaner in the hospital. And no amount of artificial light could compare to the feeling of being outside on a warm, sunny day. Hide hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the sunlight until he was standing in the middle of a clear field, feeling the warmth on his skin.

He opened his eyes, staring up at the clear blue sky, and for a moment, he could forget about his present sad circumstances. He turned, still staring at the sky, and headed towards the small path he liked to walk around the outside of the park. But a sudden brightness in the corner of his eye caught his attention, and Hide turned to find the source.

He was surprised to see a man sitting alone on a shaded bench, nose buried in a book. The sunlight filtered through the leaves of the trees above him, stray rays of light catching in the man’s pure white hair. But his face was young, far younger than a full head of white hair would suggest.

Hide watched him for a while, enraptured by the way his hair shone in the light, the way his soft features changed as he reacted to the words on the pages that held his attention. The man turned the final page of his book and smiled -- a beautiful, heartbreaking smile -- and Hide rushed to turn away and act natural before the stranger caught him staring.

When he dared to look back a few moments later, the man was already gone.

 

* * *

 

Hide returned to the park at the same time every day after that encounter, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man again. When days passed and the man didn’t return, Hide almost gave up hope. But then, on his last walk through the park, Hide spotted that familiar head of hair sitting on the same bench.

Hide sat himself down on another bench nearby with a decent view of the man’s location, and leaned his head on his hand as he watched the stranger read.

He had a new book, this time. Hide could tell by the cover. He seemed thoroughly absorbed in it -- he had a cup of coffee this time, and though he took regular sips, he never tore his eyes away from the book.

Hide could understand that kind of focus. The longer he stared at the stranger, the more absorbed he became in the details. The way the man’s slender fingers trailed over the edges of a page as he prepared to turn it. The way his eyes flitted across the pages, clearly engrossed in the words he was seeing. The way his features changed as he reacted to the passages he was reading with surprise, happiness, or distress. The way the sun shone on his hair and reflected in his eyes. The man was beautiful, and Hide was transfixed.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He stood, brushed off his pants, and walked purposefully toward the stranger.

“Hi,” Hide greeted happily when he was standing in front of the man. The man’s head turned sharply, piercing grey eyes fixing on Hide’s. “Do you mind if I sit?”

The man stared at him, eyes flitting over his body before settling back on his face. After a moment of hesitation, he shook his head, and moved over to give Hide room on the bench. Hide sat down quickly, beaming brightly at the stranger. From up close, Hide could see dark roots growing in beneath the stark white of his hair.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” Hide asked, gesturing toward the book in the other man’s lap.

He stared for a moment, confused, then glanced down at the book in his hands. “Oh! No,” he said quickly, turning back to Hide and smiling. “No, I’ve read this before. It’s no problem at all.”

Hide smiled back. “It must be good if you’re reading it again.”

“Ah, yes, it’s one of my favorites,” the man replied shyly, eyes flitting back to the book’s cover.

A small moment of silence passed between them while Hide waited for him to add something more. When he didn’t speak again, Hide decided to take the initiative.

“I've seen you here before. Are you a patient at the hospital?”

“Ah, no. No, I just work nearby. At the CCG. I come here to read during my lunch break. It’s nice here and….” He trailed off, staring hard at his book. “I like to be alone.” He brushed his fingers across his chin as he spoke.

Hide hummed in acknowledgement. “You wouldn’t rather eat during your lunch?” he teased, and the man beside him stiffened. “Uh, sorry, I wasn’t trying to -- to offend or anything. I --”

“It’s fine,” the man cut him off with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not hungry. Usually, a coffee is just fine for me.”

Hide nodded, and made a note not to bring up food again.

“What about you?” the man was saying now, and it took Hide a moment to realize he was asking him about himself. “Do you work at the hospital, or…?”

“Oh, haha, no, I’m a patient here!” he laughed.

The man’s expression dropped. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine!” Hide assured him, grinning wide. “I’m fine, I mean. Mostly, anyway. Well, physically, I guess. Uh, it’s kind of hard to explain.”

The man leaned towards him curiously. “I have time.” He flushed darker when the words were past his lips. “I mean, unless you don’t want to explain. You don’t have to explain, of course. I shouldn’t pry --”

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” Hide rushed to reassure him. “I don’t mind telling, I guess.”

Hide paused to run his fingers through his hair and turned to look up at the leaves above them, and at the flecks of sunlight breaking through. He took a deep breath.

“I woke up a few weeks ago in this hospital. I’d been asleep for over a year, apparently. I couldn’t remember anything -- who I was, how I’d ended up here, nothing. I still can’t remember anything.” He frowned. Normally he tried not to think about that. “They tell me I used to work for the CCG and I was injured on the job, but, I don’t remember any of that.” He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

Hide turned back to the man beside him, and saw that he was staring with wide eyes. Had he said something wrong? Hide’s expression must have given away his confusion, because the man rushed to explain himself.

“Sorry, it’s just -- I’m in a similar situation!” he said quickly, waving his hands in front of him as if that explained everything.

Hide blinked.

“Uh, I mean. I woke up a few months ago in a hospital too, and I don’t remember anything that happened to me before either,” he explained sheepishly.

Hide’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh!” he exclaimed, then burst into a fit of laughter.

The stranger stared at him, a nervous smile on his face. Hide wiped a tear from the corner of his eye when he finally regained control of himself. “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you. It’s just, how weird is that, right? That the two of us amnesiacs would meet like this.”

The man smiled wider, seeming to relax. “Yeah, it is pretty weird.”

A silence settled between them, but one thought swirled loudly around Hide’s head, drowning out all of his other thoughts until --

“Um, hey, do you want to be friends?” he blurted out suddenly.

The other man stared, blushing furiously. “Um.”

“I, uh, I don’t get many visitors. I’m pretty lonely, actually!” he laughed, trying to lighten the weight of that confession. “It’d be nice to have a friend.”

The man stared down at his hands, and the book still clutched in his lap. He nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He looked back up at Hide, and nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Great!” Hide beamed, unable to control his wide grin. “What’s your name, by the way?”

The man laughed, the sound like clear bells. Hide’s heart thumped louder in his chest. “I guess it’s hard to be friends if you don’t know each others’ names, right?” he smiled warmly. “It’s Sasaki Haise.”

Hide grinned back. “Nice to meet you, Haise. I’m Nagachika Hideyoshi. But please, call me Hide. Everyone here calls me ‘Hideyoshi’ and it sounds so stuffy, ugh.”

Haise laughed again, and Hide knew he’d never get tired of that sound. “Hide it is, then.”

Hide smiled back, heart feeling light for the first time since he’d woken up weeks ago.

Haise glanced down at his watch, still smiling, then straightened with a start. “Oh, I need to get going! I’m gonna be late!”

He stood quickly, ready to dash off, but sent a hesitant look to Hide, as if asking permission.

“Go ahead,” Hide told him with a grin. “Just make sure you come back to see me tomorrow.”

Haise nodded, smile returning to his face, and tucked his book under his arm as he headed off. “Until tomorrow then, Hide!”

Hide waved as he watched his new friend go, already looking forward to tomorrow’s lunch break. Maybe, there was an upside to this situation afterall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~This may turn into a longer fic eventually, we'll see what happens.~~ This is actually probably going to turn into a series of small fics. I have a bunch of ideas I want to write for this setting, but no real overall plot or anything, and I think it'll work better as a series. I'm also working on another long fic right now, and that's my priority, but I do plan to write more in this universe.
> 
> Thanks for reading. :)


	2. Haise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise's perspective of their meeting.

Haise didn’t like to think of it as waking up. He preferred to imagine it as being born.

Screaming, pain, bright lights and beeping medical equipment. Vision blurry, eyes unable to focus. Lungs burning and gasping for air that was never enough to calm a pounding heart. Cold prickling into vulnerable, bare skin. Mind reeling with confusion and fear.

That had to be how infants felt when they were thrust into the world for the first time, right? Although, in Haise's case, he was thrust into the world at age 20.

In the months since Haise's birth, he’d already earned multiple awards with both Squad Zero and the Mado Squad, and been promoted to Rank 2. He supposed for anyone else, that would be considered impressive. But Haise never felt like his accomplishments were enough to assuage the stigma he carried.

He knew the reasons other investigators stared at him, why they wrinkled their noses in disgust when he passed. He understood. He really did. It must be hard for them, for the people who had lost and sacrificed so much because of ghouls, people who had dedicated their lives to eradicating them. Hard to suddenly have one as a colleague. He didn’t begrudge any of them for not trusting him. In fact, he’d expected the rejection. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

At first, he’d wanted to blend in as much as possible, and decided the best way to do that was to do what all the other investigators did -- including taking his lunch break in the cafeteria. He even looked forward to lunch in the beginning, and the opportunity to socialize with his coworkers. He quickly realized that was a mistake.

The first time he stepped into the cafeteria, the entire room went silent as all heads turned to stare. He’d smiled and ordered himself a cup of coffee while trying to ignore the eyes burning into his back and the muffled discussions he knew were about him. He knew because whenever he tried to sit at a table to socialize, all conversation around him instantly stopped.

He tried again every day, and every day was the same. No, that wasn’t true. Every day was worse. The stares continued, the murmurs passed through the crowds, the investigators he tried to meet ignored him or gave curt replies to his questions.

And he felt conspicuous without a meal. Like he was broadcasting himself, wearing a flashing sign that read, _yes, everything you heard about me is true, I’m a monster._  


Eventually, he decided the best way to blend in was to avoid being seen at all.

He stopped going to lunch after less than a month.

He started working through his lunch breaks. And that was better. For a while. Until Akira pulled him aside and told him he wasn’t going to be any use to her if he worked himself to death, and told him in no uncertain terms that he was no longer allowed in the office during lunch.

Which was how he found himself alone in this small hospital park nearly every day.

The hospital was near the CCG building, only a few blocks away, and the park, although meager, was a nice change of scenery compared to the sea of office buildings surrounding it.

Haise took a seat on his usual bench -- one in a shady and secluded spot -- and cracked open his book to continue reading. The words carried him away, as usual, taking him to a place where he could forget the worries and stresses of his life, just for a little while.

He smiled to himself as he finished the last page of his book. Finishing a book was always a satisfying feeling, and this one had an especially lovely ending. Haise traced the corner of the back cover thoughtfully, mulling over the imagery of the final scene, before closing the book with a soft snap.

A noise brought Haise out of his thoughts. He glanced up, and saw a man very obviously trying to look like he hadn't been staring. 

Haise had noticed the man earlier, wandering around the park with the sun catching in his hair, drawing Haise's eyes. He wasn't sure why, but he felt drawn to the stranger, had wanted to rush over and introduce himself before shaking his head and thinking better of it to turn his attention back to his book. To discover now that the other man had been fascinated by Haise as well caused his heart to beat a little faster.

Haise had grown used to stares, but not like this. He was used to stares of disgust, of hatred, of fear. Not the way this stranger had looked at him, as if he were actually interested in him...

Haise snorted and stood to leave. Of course that was ridiculous. Haise wasn't the type that attracted the attention of beautiful strangers. The man was probably a doctor or a hospital employee, wondering who Haise was and why he kept showing up in the park.

He forced himself to walk out of the park, away from the stranger, and told himself to forget about him.

Easier said than done.

The next few days kept the Mado Squad out of the office on field work -- something Haise normally craved. Any excuse to keep away from the office and the disdainful glares of his coworkers was a welcome one. Now, however...

Now he felt restless, distracted. For once, he was eager to return to the office. To return just to leave again, to take his break in the park and search for the person whose hair shone in the sun, and who watched Haise. Watched him not the way one watches a predator, defensive and waiting for them to strike, but the way one admires a painting, taking in the details and committing the artistry to memory.

Haise told himself he'd imagined it, that he was becoming attached for no reason. But the day the squad finally finished their field work, Haise practically fled the building at lunch time, barely remembering his coffee in his haste to return to the park.

But then, of course, the man wasn't there.

Haise almost laughed at himself, at how ridiculous he'd been, thinking that he'd rush back to the park and the man would be there and then -- what? What exactly had Haise been expecting to happen if the man really had been here? He felt foolish.

He sighed and pulled his book out from under his arm. At least he'd be able to get some reading done, he told himself. The book he'd brought today was one of his favorites, and he easily fell into the story again, welcoming the distraction until --

“Hi,” someone's cheery voice interrupted. Haise glanced up to fix his eyes on the source of the voice, and found himself staring at his stranger. “Do you mind if I sit?” the man asked, and Haise shook his head and moved over to give him room, heart racing in his chest.

Scattered beams of sunlight drifted down through the trees to catch on the man's hair, and Haise couldn't tear his eyes away. He felt distracted and focused at once. Nervousness seethed in his stomach, but each time he looked into his stranger's eyes he felt calmed, comfortable. He was drawn in and sinking fast, and Haise didn't mind at all.

He returned to the CCG that afternoon with a smile he couldn't get rid of, and a name running itself through his mind, curling into dark corners and soothing an ache Haise hadn't even realized was there.

"Hide," he whispered to himself, trying out the name on his tongue, and feeling his heart flutter at how right it felt on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took me four months, but I finally wrote the follow-up to the last chapter. Sorry for the delay! I hope this chapter compliments the last one, and I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!


End file.
